A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

This is something we planned and were so happy we did! I have recommended this to every bride I know or meet: take a picture of EVERYONE at once on your wedding day!

We had the above photo snapped on the grand staircase at the Four Seasons, in-between our cocktail hour post ceremony and before dinner started. We asked everyone to join us at a set time (6:45 pm) in the itinerary of our wedding program. Our wedding day planners helped usher everyone from the bar, to the stairs. We got about three pictures of everyone taken, the above being the best of the three.

Lesson Learned: We made sure our photographer knew we wanted a group photo on the grand staircase and that it was going to be swapped out for the 5x5 request on the wedding mat. However, the way our guests assembled on the stairs, the final photos were difficult to crop down to fit the 5x5 layout necessary to finish off our wedding mat. Quite a bit of manipulation of the photo and paper border had to happen to make the final wedding mat look balanced and proportional. If you know you have a specific size you need a shot to work within, make sure you communicate this clearly to your photographer in advance.

Below, our wedding mat as it looked during our wedding...



Our request of our guests on our wedding day.

After we returned from our honeymoon, we replaced the picture of Eddie and I goofing around with the group photo on the stairs. We replaced our request for wishes, quotes and doodles with a copy of our wedding invitation.

I love having everything framed and displayed on our wall in our house. It makes a wonderful keepsake!

Wedding Day Photography

We had a few "big deals" for our wedding day where we didn't want to skimp on the budget. One was food: we wanted to share an incredible meal with our friends and family.

The other? The photographer had to be top-notch. I mean, this pretty much is the great recordkeeper of your big day, right?

Photography is tricky, though. It's very subjective. We went through a ton of wedding and event photographer websites until we narrowed it down two two that we thought were worth exploring. One photographer was out of Southern California and had trained with David LaChapelle. The other, was Nick Sokoloff from Salt Lake City, Utah.

To decide whom to hire, we literally opened up two browser windows and clicked on their portfolios nearly side-by-side. And Nick's work really resonated with us. It was a great combination of photojournalism, traditional and some wonderful avant garde shots thrown in for good measure.

Fortunately, we were able to book Nick for our big day and negotiated what we felt was a killer deal. Our agreement included our paying his travel expenses from Salt Lake to Las Vegas, 4x6 copies of all pictures taken, all the high-resolution images from our wedding day on a CD, and the right to use and reproduce our images as we wanted without having to seek permission to do so. We also agreed that he wouldn't do our official, physical wedding album, either.

We met with Nick a couple months before our wedding date when he found himself in Vegas for another photography engagement. This was serendipitous as it let us show him our wedding venue and to put faces and names together before coming together with him again on our big day. It also let me provide him with some images I had collected from the web and magazines of certain photography shots and looks I hoped to include on our wedding day as well.

Lesson Learned: At the time we got married, Eddie and I were more interested in having photojournalism photography than those of a traditional nature. In hindsight, I totally wished we'd done more traditional poses than we did, as we hardly did any. Also, in hindsight, there were certain guests who attended our wedding that I wish I had been able to get my photo taken with that day, just the two of us, together. Or even, shots of guests individually on their own. Additionally, we had family members who although probably a bit camera shy, were in only to be found in one of the professional pictures that Nick took that day: the group photo of our guests on the grand staircase. Eddie has one sister who knows her way in front of a camera, and boy, you might think that she was the only one there at the wedding from the number of photos you can find her in! His other sister? She's only in the staircase photo, I believe, which is unfortunate.

Some of the photos we had taken seemed like a good idea at the time ("Yes! Let's get a picture of me next to the swimming pool!)

In hindsight, not such a great idea. This was a great formal portrait, but we weren't having a casual, poolside wedding. And you can clearly see the pool steps handles which totally ruins the shot for me. [Perhaps in my old age I will learn how to Photoshop and practice photoshopping those out!]

We did a few of Eddie and I on the Lifeguard's chair. The actual effect was more wacky than the intended arty...Which just goes to show that some ideas are better in theory, than reality.

There were some great shots in the suite before Jill and I went off to have more pictures taken in the hotel pre-ceremony. But in some of those great, regal shots, there are A/C vents visible which again, for me, kind of ruins the effect.

Or else, you see Nick taking the photograph using the mirror to do so...Bummer.

We got some great shots pre-ceremony of me at the top of the grand staircase. These were more high fashion in style and I really love how they turned out.

These were a lot of fun at the bottom of the grand staircase, too, with the flowers the hotel had displayed for the weekend. What a boon, flowers that looked great with our wedding colors and we didn't have to worry about footing that bill!

Loved the shot of us cutting the cake! This is probably one of our favorite shots of the night, along with the photograph of our guests on the grand staircase. The picture of us cutting the cake is displayed predominately in our home. Everyone comments on it, whether they were there to see it happen, or are newer friends visiting our home for the first time.

Here is a series Nick captured where the journalism style was perfect for catching the moment. One of my aunts had unexpectedly gotten my grandmother (and her mother) on the pay phone to share some warm wishes with us before we went back to begin dinner...

I was totally caught by surprise but loved my grandmother being able to participate in our wedding this way.

Little did I know that my newly minted husband was hamming it up with Scary Teddy, behind me.

I finish my call with grandma and share how surprised and thrilled I was to have that moment with her.

Then burst out laughing to find out about Eddie's antics behind me!

Below: this was the only formal shot of us, post ceremony, from a traditional photography standpoint.

Like I said above, Nick gave us so many great memories of our wedding day, I just wish I had requested that we do a lot more traditional pictures than we actually ended up having.

Ceremony Loophole for Las Vegas

Now that we had decided to get married close to home, we needed to figure out how to make our wedding day official. As we lived in Las Vegas, the wedding capital of the world, we were unable to take advantage of one of our friends being able to be ordained as our officiant for the day like you can in California. Weddings are such a huge industry in Las Vegas and they aren't about to miss out on making a buck where they can. Which meant, we either needed to hire a religious officiant to make our wedding ceremony legal, at about $350-$400 a pop, or we needed to figure out a plan to get our end result (legal on our date) but not offend our principles (not religous).

Both of us are not religious at all, so we didn't have the benefit of a member of clergy from our place of worship who could make it legal. We also didn't like the idea of a stranger performing our ceremony and the potential for disaster to occur. (Everyone has their stories to share of weddings where the officiant for hire gets the names of the bride and groom incorrect, or even worse, hijacks the ceremony to head down a path of belief and espousing that neither the bride nor groom expected or wanted on their big day.) Plus, even if we were to hire a religious officiant to perform a more spiritual ceremony for us, we then faced the sticky situation of having to extend an invitation for this person, and perhaps their spouse, too, to our reception which meant two more for dinner.

And then, I figured out a plan that just might work.

And it did.

We would get married the morning of our wedding day, at City Hall. It would cost $55 to make it legal, and then we could be married in the late afternoon, by our dear friend, in what we considered the real ceremony, with no one the wiser!

However, this meant we would need to get up early on the morning of our wedding day to make it all happen. You can't make a reservation for City Hall and we had no idea how long or short the line may be. We did know, we'd get married in our pajamas and matching Jack Purcell sneakers, standard uniform for the both of us when we were home and on the weekends, even if running to the grocery store.

The morning we were to be married, I made a rose boutonniere for Eddie, a simple rose bouquet for me and off we went to City Hall.

Unbeknownst to us, we were expected to exchange rings during the City Hall ceremony. In hindsight it makes sense since it was a legal ceremony. Fortunately, I had my engagement ring on and Eddie had his silver "engagement" band. Crisis-averted!

We kiss to make it official!

The legal Mr. and Mrs. Edward Camarillo, for a mere $55 fee at City Hall.

This is us exiting City Hall after our legal ceremony.

It looks like we're escaping from a hospital!

Wedding Rehearsal Dinner

I wasn't sure what we were going to do for the rehearsal dinner. But somehow, we decided on holding it at Buca di Beppo. For those of you not familiar with the campy Italian-food chain, it has every kitchy Italian thing x 100 on the walls and ceilings inside the restaurant.

Food is served family-style, is affordable, and importantly, is delicious. Plus, there was something fun about it foreshadowing our upcoming honeymoon destination of Italy.

We expected about 20 people total for our dinner and made our reservation a few months in advance. This was a smart move, because it turned out Buca is a popular destination for wedding rehearsal dinners. (I believe there was actually one or two more rehearsal dinners that same night, in addition to ours!)  We also chose to order our menu in advance which helped greatly in knowing what our costs would be for the night. The only wild card would be the drinks in the bar before we sat down at our table for dinner. Our friends and family like to drink, whether it is a celebration or not!

Lesson Learned: In the bar, while waiting for our table to be ready, the bar staff had told us to have our guests let the bartenders know that they were there for the Miller-Camarillo party when putting their drink request in, since we wanted it all to go on our master tab. However, we found out later, after the fact, that folks in the bar whom were not with our party, had put their drinks on our tab as well. Why? They overheard the instructions to our party guests and pretended to be a part of the party.

In hindsight, if knowing we'd be in a public area for a period of time, I'd give out drink tickets to our guests to turn in to the bar when placing their drink order. Start everyone out with one ticket and if they needed more, let them get more from us. This way, the bar can keep accurate record of what was ordered and Joe Stranger doesn't get to get drunk on our tab.

Our guests were a mix of omnivores and vegetarians, so we made sure to have something for everyone. Two salads (one vegetarian, one not), a couple types of pizza, two pasta dishes. Pre-ordering simplified the process for the night and let us know where we'd be on the bill at the end of the evening instead of letting folks order off the menu. Plus, in pre-ordering, the food could come out to the table around the same time and made it more efficient for the restaurant and our night to flow smoothly. And, there were enough leftovers that we were able to take them home and throw them in the freezer for a couple future meals once we returned from our honeymoon.

Lesson Learned: War Stories Around the Guest List

The guest list, hands down, had to be the worst part of planning our wedding. Such a source of constant and continued drama, and literally up until two days before our wedding! You've heard people tell horror stories of their mother inviting their hairdressers cousins and the like. Its true, that wacky, crazy stuff happens and more than you realize. Everyone does love a wedding, as you'll soon find out yourself!

Right from the start, Eddie and I agreed that we wanted a smaller wedding and not only from an affordability factor, but from an intimacy factor. We agreed, the only people we wanted in attendance were to be those whom we really wanted there, and not because we had to or were obligated to invite them. We didn't want kids at our wedding, other than the sole exceptions of Eddie's young nephews who were in the wedding party. And we decided from the get-go that we were not going to do an "...and Guest" wedding, too. For any invited couples, they needed to be either engaged or living together to be included on the wedding invitation envelopes.

Let me just get on my soap box and say I think its really important for the bride and groom to discuss what they are going to do on the subject of the guest list, in advance, so they can be a truly united front going forward. Kids? Girlfriend/boyfriend of the week/month club? Extended acquaintances of your family members whom you don't even know? Trust me on this, it will come up, and typically, from those people whom you'd least expect it from.

Cases in point:

We had one instance, where right after we were engaged Eddie was put on the spot by an aunt and uncle. Unbeknownst to them, they had not made the cut on our upcoming guest list. We were at a casual family party and at one point when we weren't standing next to each other, he was asked point blank, if they were invited. Caught off guard and on the spot Eddie stammered, "Yes." To which he quickly found me afterwards, confessed and apologized his blunder. Fortunately, his mother took one for the team and called her brother later in the week to tell them they were subsequently now uninvited, as well as to admonish them for doing such a thing to their nephew.

You GO, future mother-in-law!

Little did we know, that this would be the simpler of tasks to rectify surrounding our guest list up until our wedding day.

We had another incident, much more sticky, that caused a Dominos-effect by the folks it was connected to.
Our wedding shower in CA was a co-ed wedding shower that included our friends and E's family invited to the wedding. This party was set in late summer, just prior to our actual wedding invitations being sent off to our invited guests in the mail.

Etiquette dictates that the only people invited to a bridal shower, whether co-ed or not, should exclusively be those invited to the wedding. We had provided our shower hostess with our guest list. Easy enough, right?

Wrong!

She was of the "more the merrier" variety and didn't think (or know?) of how her/this attitude could totally cause a guest list catastrophe that reflects on the bride and groom, not the shower hostess. E had an uncle close in age who was dating someone whom he was off-and-on with during our engagement period. We had not planned on inviting his GF since they were neither engaged nor were they living together. (And we knew what a slippery slope it is if you allow one person to bring a guest and not another!)

Said relative brought on-again-off-again girlfriend to the co-ed wedding shower. We learned about this as we were driving to CA for the shower itself. Shower hostess called on the drive down to mention this little detail. Additionally, she let other invited guests, bring dates as well.

Ugh! Like I mentioned earlier, a "more the merrier" attitude should never be applied to anything more than a casual get-together. Did I mention, this was a wedding shower? If you allow folks to attend the wedding shower, they pretty much [incorrectly] assume they are then invited to your upcoming wedding.

We sent out our invites as planned, and E's uncle called to RSVP for he and the girlfriend. [And yes, the invite had only been addressed to the uncle.]  When E told his uncle that his girlfriend wasn't invited, his uncle told him that he wouldn't come to the wedding unless she could, too. E told him, "I'm sorry you can't make it, we'll miss you..." and hung up the phone. This wasn't an easy task for him, to say the least but I was proud of him for being the united front we'd agreed upon from the start. If we allowed one relative to bring a guest, we knew word would quickly get out and we'd need to do it for the rest of the family.

The fallout from standing our ground on the guest list now meant that Eddie's grandmother wouldn't be able to attend as she had planned to ride to NV from CA with her son, E's uncle. Our not including on-again-off-again girlfriend in the standoff ultimatum ended up with E's grandma unable to attend, now. We held firm on our decision, though.

Interestingly, literally two days before the wedding, his uncle called and said he'd be coming to our wedding (solo) after all, and grandma would be coming with him!

Maybe future-mother-in-law had a hand? Who knows.

I had to make quick, last minute arrangements to accommodate the additional attendees with the hotel and florist, but we were thrilled to gain both E's uncle and grandma. (Grandma's own wedding day picture was on the wedding dinner menu's, after all!) In the very end we were lucky this worked out how it did. And it would only be fair to update that the on-again-off-again girlfriend is now married to E's uncle. We attended their wedding many years ago and they have a lovely, growing family themselves, now.

Our wedding dance dancing instructor? Another unexpected guest list surprise. He received his invitation (addressed just to him) and he announced in our next lesson after receiving it that his female friend, whom he was bringing with him, loved weddings! I totally lost my concentration for the rest of our lesson. Eddie and I discussed the situation the following week and then at our next lesson, very delicately but tactfully, let our instructor know that we'd only invited him, and we were sorry, but it was not an "and guest" event. In the end, our dance instructor RSVP'd that he was coming to our wedding, up to our last lesson. The day of the wedding, he was a no show. In our follow up lesson after our honeymoon, he gave us a lame excuse for his non-attendance. It was either he got mixed up on the day or time or location or wasn't feeling well. All these years later, I can't remember the exact excuse. My point (and I do have one!) is people assume they can bring some one with them when they are invited to a wedding.

They shouldn't assume, anything.

Finally, I had another friend who called to ask if her husband could bring a friend of his with them to our wedding. He hadn't seen this friend in years and the friend happened to live in the same city we did and where we were getting married. Evidently, her husband thought he'd just kill two birds with one stone and use our wedding as the way to do this. I thanked my friend for asking me in advance, but gently explained that it was a small wedding (with a multi-course plated dinner) and no, we couldn't accommodate her husbands friend as well. She got it. I think that she had to just go through the motion of asking because her husband had put her in a corner with the request.

Let me leave you with this AWESOME Miss Manner's question/answer on the very subject matter. She always does such a great job getting the point across:

Dear Miss Manners,I have noticed lately, that amongst women of the same age group as myself who are engaged and planning large, expensive weddings, that my single friends are invited to said weddings without "and guest" added to their invitations.
It is almost as if the engaged women, in an attempt to keep cost down, have decided that the single women, whether they are dating someone or not, do not get the option to bring someone along to the wedding and reception.  

Is this rude? I feel that just because these women are not married or engaged, they still should have the opportunity to bring a date to the wedding and that by assuming their dates just aren't as important if not legally bound by law, the engaged woman is being presumptuous and rude. What are your thoughts? 

Gentle Reader,That the invitation is to a wedding, not to an evening out on the town, and it is not rude not to be married in front of strangers who mean nothing to them and not much to you. If you must scour up a date, Miss Manners suggests looking over the single gentlemen at the wedding, who would not have been asked to bring along "and guest" either.